Couples Therapy
Disconnect is very common in relationships, especially when you’ve been together for a while,
maybe have kids, work full-time.. “We just don’t have TIME to connect!”
Repetitive arguments ensue, it feels like you have nothing in common anymore,
and maybe you question your compatibility.
We all work very hard to protect ourselves when we’re hurting.. but that often leads to disconnect.
Step 1: Identify your Negative Cycle
We’ll take a look at the relationship dynamic or pattern within your relationship. Where are the places where each of you gets stuck? What are the triggers? What does conflict look and feel like and how does it get resolved (or not)? We’ll organize, break it down, and peel back the layers to understand a) where these patterns in relating came from and b) how to create new ones together.
The sexual cycle has a role here as well— where does the disconnect happen in the bedroom? What does that look and feel like? How do sex issues get talked about?
Step 2: Create a More Secure Bond
With greater safety, we’ll look to create a deeper understanding of personal fears and insecurities that get triggered within this relationship (that often drive the cycle). You’ll be able to “hold” your partner in their struggles and express empathy to them and vice versa, experiencing each other in a very new way.
You’ll also learn how to repair: not just “resolve” conflict, but actually communicate on a deeper level and grow closer together, even after conflict!
Step 3: Ask for Needs in a New Way
You’ll learn how to more explicitly ask for what you need from your partner in the relationship, in a way that they can hear and respond to. When you’re hurting, instead of being defensive, shutting down, or attacking back, you’ll learn to slow down, focus on your feeling, share vulnerably, and kindly ask for what you need from them.
“Ugh, we haven’t had sex in 6 months!” turns into “Hey, I really miss connecting with you physically. I feel so good about us when we’re more connected, and I’ve been missing that level closeness with you. Do you think we can talk about how to create more opportunities for intimacy?”
Step 4: Use these New Patterns to Work Through Old Problems
Not all problems are “resolvable”, but with these new patterns, the hope is that you’ll be able to communicate
about them differently, focusing on what your partner is really saying and feeling,
communicating your thoughts and feelings in a different way, and through that greater understanding,
moving forward together through old (and new) problems.
I work with people of all genders, religions/belief systems, sexual orientations, and lifestyles. I am LGBTQIA+ affirming.
